Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
