im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
