I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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