So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
