i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
im holly from the hills drunk
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
