How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
