She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
