dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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