A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
