If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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