when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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