OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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