Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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