Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
