Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm both gender and math confused
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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