Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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