Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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