Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
