Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
