yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize