I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
