last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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