there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
