I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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