then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
