My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
