Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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