I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
