goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
