Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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