she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
