You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Alive.
So much puke
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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