I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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