yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Randomize
