I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
