So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
