That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
