I wish I only lived at night.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
