Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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