So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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