Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
