I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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