I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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