im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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