I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
