What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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