Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
