You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
