We got so high we made milksteak
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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