Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Is it because I queefed?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
