just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
