My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
