You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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