dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
