There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
