I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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