Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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