I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
