the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
